Katie O’Pray
I feel fraudulent in the meeting church. Playing guardian
for my big sister. Using up the water in the urn. The other
carers seem to know each other, how grief sits in each
care-ee’s days, but some repeat it for our benefit
when it’s their turn to share. Someone’s paid support
worker eyes the clock, taps on the mums’ voices
til they crack. I keep to nodding measuredly on Daisy’s
behalf, unearthing memories of the dead boy that belong
to us both, tenuous ties to the session’s theme. Our loss
seems a similar shape, develops its own hues of meaning
behind our eyes. I didn’t anticipate Daisy stroking
my hand. It’s not my appointment. In the break, we escape
to the gardens, where the graves must’ve always been,
irrelevant til now, shrouded in their shrubbery. A robin
settles at our feet like a prayer. Daisy points him out
first. This is where we’ve been taught to paint
resolution onto tragedy, to find a simple reason
to use his name, mean something living – That’s Rees,
isn’t it? Daisy can’t help saying & I want to entertain her
chimerical faith today. Join her in a deep exhale
of laughter, willing serendipity. The bird cocks
his scrawny head, open to cathexis. Where else
do we have to look? We’ve got to go back in soon.
Katie O’Pray is a creative facilitator and Barbican Young Poet. They have been the winner of The ruth weiss Foundation’s Emerging Poet’s Prize and the Oxford Brookes International Poetry Competition. Their work has also gained recognition in the National Poetry Competition, the Manchester Writing Competition and the Magma Poetry Competition. Their debut collection ‘APRICOT’ was published by Out-Spoken Press in 2022.
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